Catching Up

I should be embarrassed. I’ve been so consumed with, say, umm, capitalism, wanting the best, the most, being all American and shit like that. I should be embarrassed because I hadn’t taken enough time out to think about the least of these. Sitting in church and hearing it, or reading about it in the Bible is one thing. Putting action into love is another. None of my brothers and sisters should be living on the street and no one should be hungry. I’ve been so American, that I haven’t learned about me. I’ve been walking around like a zombie, allowing dust and dirt to collect on my mind and the precious African resources buried by white supremacy. I will spend the rest of my life catching up.

You with me so far? I have to make up for all of the Black/African History I’ve missed out on. I have to dig into books and articles and sites so I can know more about my people. I should have never been satisfied growing up only hearing about MLK in school. I did take it upon myself to read Seize the Time by Bobby Seale when I was in my 20's. My mother bought me a book titled 1001 Things Everyone Should Know About African American History. I appreciate my mom for that too! She planted seeds! And, let me just say this! They (white folks, teachers, all of em) have us (in school especially) knowing about their history but they don’t care about anything Black. They want Black folks to be American and celebrate their heroes and not make any noise about the wrongs done to my Ancestors. They don’t know shit about us.

I want to live the rest of my life seeing the world through a new lens, the lens of equality. I want to be a contributor to the Diaspora. The health and wellness of my people should be top priority. The protection of my people should be the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing at night. I have some, a lot of catching up to do. I’ve been such an Americanah (I got that from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie) that I bought into white man speak with things such as “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.” I mean, I get it, but when I think about what my Ancestors went through, it reminds me that as a community we have to take care of each other. I think we should all do our best but I don’t feel like we should leave anyone behind. Black folks struggle like all humans, but racism, white supremacy is a heavy, cumbersome weight white folks would never understand or have to carry.

I’m guilty. I know that we all make mistakes. I know that we shouldn’t hold ourselves hostage to our pasts. I regret instances in my life where I feel like I didn’t help myself or my people out. Any assimilation into white america does not help the Diaspora. Let me say, I also know I’m not speaking for all Black folks. I’m sure many brothers and sisters can identify with what I’m writing. So, back to me and only me. I ask myself things like: How could I join, believe, worship and participate in a religious practice forced on my Ancestors? Can anyone see my dilemma? I don’t care what someone believes. Concerning slavery, I will fight anyone, Black or white, saying what the devil meant for bad, God made good because it brought slaves to Christianity. Hell no! Fuck that stream of thought. Again, someone’s belief in Jesus is their right. I could say it like this-give me the Lord without the white supremacist, capitalist version. Let me dig into the history of who God is and let me decide. How could I support a mega church made up of mostly African American congregants with a white pastor and mostly white leadership. It mirrors America. White conservative evangelicals (and those people that say “I’m a God fearing American,” while carrying a shotgun) are basically the first family of America. The white supremacist lineage has been carried on from generation to generation. They still carry out their dream of slavery and dominance by funding prisons, voter suppression, and building up their local military execution squads. Nothing has changed. People may speak of a race war. I gather most Black folks don’t want a race war, but I bet the other side does. Racist pundits would label it a race war when in fact Black folks just want to protect their families.

These thoughts are my opinions. Just taking advantage of my first amendment rights. Venting, railing, cursing is my activism. I am all the way tired.

Written by Michael Allen, Escape Indie 2020, All Rights Reserved

Finding my voice for my People!

Forever Catching Up!