The Search for Better. What if Better Never Comes?

Michael Allen
2 min readOct 12, 2020

Morning. It’s Monday you know, but Monday’s will never be the same right? Whether you’re working from home or in the office, may your coffee be one of the highlights of your day. If you don’t drink coffee, I may look at you with a measure of distrust. Anyway…

I switch gears because of the music in my ears. Twitter sparks a conversation inside me that goes nowhere. The beats. Her voice infiltrates me. It does because. My soul is overcast again. Complexities next to me urge me on, forward. I worry and scurry to fantasies. I cannot for the life of me focus on what’s right in front of me. I am still the seventh grade me. I am a boy posing as a man. I borrow wisdom from unreliable entities. Coffee is my go to life force concoction. I am scared of the different versions of me still stuck behind a wall of doubt. I write stories in the hope I’ll be transported out of fear. I draw, adjust my narrative, laugh to cover the hurts. I repeat like a dusty 33, agreeing to agree. Caught in a web of existential mathematics. Where is my better half? The wrath of past choices hovers over me. I cry in my dreams and wipe my eyes when I wake up. Strings soothe me for a time. Acoustic love is my support. I fall in love with her voice and she’ll never know. I hear it when I daydream. I listen all day even when I’m praying. I am seconds away from boarding the next flight to flee demons. I search for better and wonder if it will ever come.

Time to go get coffee. Have a good day People!

Written by Michael Allen

Escape Indie 2020

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For my People!